How Do you handle difficult people?

By Paula Chapman
June 18 2010

How do you handle people you do not get along with?

We have all been in a situation at one some point in our life when we make friends with a person to find out that this person was not who we thought they would be. Trust and confidence may have been broken. The person may have hurt you. Perhaps it can be repaired. You both apologize and move on with your relationship to find out that the damage continues. It never takes long to find out that you and this person can not get along, despite the fact you may love them. Abram and Lot also had this difficulty. As we read the following scriptures you can see how Abram sought the Lord and came to the right conclusion.


Gen 13:1 And Abram went up out of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the south.
Gen 13:2 And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.
Gen 13:3 And he went on his journeys from the south even to Bethel, unto the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Hai;
Gen 13:4 Unto the place of the altar, which he had made there at the first: and there Abram called on the name of the LORD.
Gen 13:5 And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.
Gen 13:6 And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.
Gen 13:7 And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot's cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.
Gen 13:8 And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.
Gen 13:9 Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.
Gen 13:10 And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar.
Gen 13:11 Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.
Gen 13:12 Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.
Gen 13:13 But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the LORD exceedingly.
Gen 13:14 And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:
Gen 13:15 For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.
Gen 13:16 And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered.
Gen 13:17 Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.
Gen 13:18 Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the LORD.

Was it easy for Abram to come to this conclusion? I am sure as traveling companions, it must have been a hard decision and a decision that hurt Abram, and more then likely upset Lot. However the decision was made and as we read to the end of the chapter, God blessed Abram. I know God knew the decision was a hard one, however it would be a decision that would indeed change the life of Abram forever.

As I read this, I look upon a recent decision in my own life. The choice to separate and take a road separately from someone that has certainly taken a road with me. We can not come upon a decision. Words have not been kind. Stress has affected both of our families and it is time to say, "Choose your road, and I will choose mine."

Another verse that even deals with conflict has been laid upon my heart at the moment.

1Co 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

When hurt feelings, go to angry words repeatedly, it can get the best of you. With their angry words their angry words will become worse. A fire burning under control.

James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

With each accusation, for many comes people trying to defend themselves. With accusations, if you try to defend yourself, anger can and will then enter in. Many of us has lost our temper in the process and fully displayed the worse in ourselves thinking our actions are justified because of what our hearts are feeling at the time.

Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?


So upon unresolved repeated conflict, we should depart company. Never let our idle words flow and be filled with anger, resentment thinking we deserve to treat one another with this kind of malice to each other.

The old cliche' "If you can not say anything nice, do not say anything at all." we all should hold.

My biggest help in any conflict is praying first.. seeking God on what I need to do to make it better for me.

Never let the accuser tell you what is wrong and right. Search the Heart of God, Seek His Word, He will never fail you as you pray for a solution. Today I do take the road as God directs me. I know God wants what is best for me, today and everyday. In the end he will bless me for my decision.

Paula Chapman
June 18 2010

Homeless In America

Every day many Americans lose their jobs, houses and end up living on the street or a shelter that can provide them a place to stay. Right now the amount homeless people are at a all time high.

I USED to look at these people and wonder how they could put themselves in such situations I would be critical and look at the jobs offered and wonder why these people could not find employment. My mind was changed when my husband lost his job.

I was even looking for employment when one day I could not even put my foot on the floor. I ended up with a severe back injury that affected the leg. Many of our services, phone, garbage, TV was turned off. I even took all my gold and sold it one month just to pay for the electric bill. Incidently there was not any money coming in, or out.

I have to thank God for a understanding Landlord, but I can assure you even his patience was wearing thin. I even went as far to to tell them, that if things came to the worse, I would understand.

When you have 2 small children, a huge fear is being homeless and living on the street. We are sworn to protect our children and yet with the elements of no four walls to protect your family that can even be more of a challenge. Of course God provided in ways that would blow my mind.

1. If you need help with rent, or a utility bill. Call the salvation army and your local Department of Children's Services.

2. United Way offers help.

3. I know in Chattanooga they have a number you can call to get numbers for help. Chattanooga is 211. Tell them what you need and they can and will help  you.

4. Pray and trust God to supply your needs.

5. Do not be afraid to reach out for help.

 

During this time, it was more of a waking up for me to show me that Jesus would always trust our needs.  Even down to days I need toilet paper, God provided.  The School even put my children's name on the Angel Tree at school. This was the first year I could not buy anything for my kids as there was not any money to spend coming in. The Angel tree provided my children with presents.  Every Christmas when you see that Angel Tree in the mall or store, know you are truly giving to a family that is in need.

 

My husband has finally gained employment and we are catching up as fast as we can. I reassured the children we would make it through as family. Families can not always say that in today's world.  Yet God alone pulled us through. 

Jas 1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

God has taught me that the Trial of my faith.. works patience.

Php 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

God has taught me that he TRULY will meet our needs!

God has show me just how much He loves me, and I am more in love with Him then ever before. I am truly grateful for my wonderful husband and children. I am thankful for my friends that let me cry on their shoulder when I doubted the next day. I am thankful for my landlord and his wife for being patient. I am thankful for my parents who made sure the Word of God was a very important part of our life. Not only did they teach me to love Jesus, but to fear him too. 

Next time when you see a homeless person, keep in mind he or she probably did not have much a choice of where they are today. Yesterday they have had a family, a house and a life. Yet life changes in a blink of a eye. It almost changed for us.

Domestic Abuse: Love Is Not Pain

Domestic Abuse

Love Never Hurts

John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Today I want to take on the subject of Domestic Abuse. It can happen to any one, despite your age, economic status, race, married and unmarried alike. Teens even suffer this when they date. The problem with abuse, the victim rarely will speak out, or even reach out in fear that the person will get worse. Many victims suffer in silence by covering their bruises, laughing when they want to cry. You may work with someone that suffers abuse. You may go to Church with someone that suffers abuse, you may even go to school with someone that suffers abuse.

The last 2 weeks my neighbor and best friend suffered at the hands of a man she went to Bible study with. I want to share her story of survival before I even go into mine.

When she met this man, she met him in Bible Study. At first he said all the right things to make her feel wonderful about herself. She started going to Church with him. On four different occasions he had even hit her. Once he hit her all night long when she would go to sleep, only because she refused to go to the door when she needed some rest. When she let him in, her night was the longest night ever. He eve had her convinced that all her friends including me, was against her and using her. After awhile, she began to believe his words until last week.  Now, she has had to take a protection order against him. He has even called me relentlessly trying to get her back, my husband has even told him not to call here, however upon knowing my husband was at work this morning, he has called. I in turn handled it legally and called the police this morning. If it was not for the years I suffered I could not have been able to know how to help her.  The following is brief story of my first marriage.

When I met my EX husband I was 19 years of age. I believed the best of everyone and believed every sad story that someone would tell me. But that would soon change. 

I met my husband at work. He was on break, reading the Bible and studying out of a Strongs Concordance. He went on to tell me how he was studying to be a preacher. I had always wanted to be a preachers wife and bought it hook line and sinker. My parents tried to warn me about him, including MANY people that knew him. However I was smitten with his charm and married him against my parents wishes.  The first 2 years were quite wonderful. It could not have been better, but upon the 3rd year things took a horrible turn to the worse.

Now there are many forms of abuse. (Verbal, isolation, physical, sexual, financial) The list can go on and on. For over 11 years, I took all forms of abuse from him. I did not tell anyone because no one would listen. All my friends abandoned me but one. Her an I are still friends to this day. Anything that would come between him and me he would eliminate. Animals, friends everything he would make sure never stayed. I lost 2 dogs, one dog almost died and a pet squirrel from a broken back. 

When the abuser feels like anything is coming before them, they work on eliminating the problem. They need complete control over the victim. They use words to intimidate and tear you down. Even going to my own parents house, if I did not leave when he told me it was time to go, he would get very angry and take it out on me.

The day I knew it was time to leave was a day this comment was made, "If you ever leave me, I think I would kill you, because you are all that I have left.

Two weeks later I left with only what I could bring with me. I never looked back. I never  have seen him again since that day.

Now after I left he still could not own up to what he did, he told everyone what he wanted them to believe to make me a awful sounding person.

It has been several years since that day. I have never had to courage to even talk about this, much less write about this horrible time in our life.

I want you to know that Love is NEVER Pain! Love will never hurt. Love builds up, not tears down.

Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Gal 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

 

If you, or anyone you know suffers from abuse of any kind, know there is help out there. There are shelters you can go to escape the abuser. They will keep you safe and do all they can to help you rebuild your life, one step at a time.

Here is a place to call to get the help you need:

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

Here is a direct link to their page.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.

http://www.ndvh.org/

Overall, I am a SURVIVOR of Domestic abuse! 

Resources:

How to spot signs of abuse.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women

http://dahmw.org/

Domestic Violence

http://dahmw.org/

 

On a side note. I have been blessed with a wonderful new husband. we have two beautiful Children together. If you can only wait on God, he will send you the man that he wants you to be with. Do not settle for any less then what God wants for your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Parenting Key Word - "Responsibility"

"Responsibility"

Today I want to talk about this simple word... "Responsibility". This word is one of those that we are all a little guilty of overlooking in life. We will watch a show on TV where we can sit ane we will critique the actors for NOT being responsible in one way or another. We will often watch shows where families NEVER do anything together and their collective lives are in "Shambles"! I know that in my own life as a parent that far too many times I have neglected my part in this area of being "Responsible" for my own kids. In the day and age in which we live we all too often allow the TV or the Internet to be the "Baby Sitter" even though we are in the same house!!!

What does the word "Responsible" actually mean? Well, acording to Webster's Dictionary it means the following:

RESPONS'IBLE, a. from L. responsus, respondeo.

1. Liable to account; accountable; answerable; as for a trust reposed, or for a debt. We are all responsible for the talents entrusted to us by our Creator. A guardian is responsible for the faithful discharge of his duty to his ward.
 
Look at the word's that are mentioned here about this business of "Responsibility". Word's like: Accountable, Answerable, Trust, Faithful Discharge of his Duty.
 
Simply put, the word "Responsible" means that we as parents ARE "Accountable" to someone for the watchful care of our children. We are also "Answerable" to someone for what we allow our kids to do, what they watch, what they listen to, who their friends are, and the places they are allowed to go. We have been given a "Trust" by God in the raising of our children. In this Trust that we have been given, it is up to us to be "Faithful" in the care of our kids. Parents, it is our "Duty" to know what is going on in their little lives.
 
I know there are people who will argue that their kids deserve their "Personal Space". I have news for you... you are seriously asking for a heartbreak!!! Kids do not need space, they need Mom and Dad to wake up and show that they actually care about the influences that are in thier lives. Mom and Dad need to be in their kids social scene. I myself have six children, and their mother and I are both "In The Know" of who they talk on the phone with, who they text, chat, and Facebook with!
 
It is our "Responsibility" to know these things. Why just this past week our daughter, who normally asks if she can "Befriend" someone on Facebook, accepted someone that my wife and I both know, but this time she did not ask permission. Well, my wife got on her Facebook account and checked things out and sure enough she came across this person. We had to have a talk with our daughter and explain to her that this particular person, had she asked our permission, would not have been allowed to be her friend. Why?? Because this man is an alcoholic!
 
You may say this is an invasion of her private life... My daughter is 12... I believe with all my heart this is OUR, my wife and myself, it is OUR "Responsibility"!
 
I have a "God Given" Duty to raise my kids right... And guess what Parents... SO DO YOU! Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
 
Let's raise the kids God gave us in a "Responsible" manner, after all, God is watching!
 
Evangelist David J. Dunn

Movie Review "Precious"

Today I wanted to take the time to review the movie "Precious". It was about a high school girl that struggles to overcome abuse, physical, mental and sexual abuse.

During the movie, it starts out, she is in the classroom, she is in love with her teacher and fantasizes of being married to him. She is called to office, when the principle asks her if she is pregnant again. This will be her second child.

As the story unfolds, she was sexually molested by her father. The scene is very graphic. She indeed is pregnant with him. As she gets home, her mother abuses her physically. (Once again, very graphic scenes)

In the end she has the baby, but when she comes home from the hospital, the mother holds the baby, drops the baby and the girl barely escapes with no harm done to baby and little harm to her. Friends and teachers come to her aid to find her a place to live.  Her mother decides to get in touch with her, only to find out that the mother let this sexual abuse go on since the child was born, and why she assaulted and hated her own daughter.

 

I could go on with the story plot, but in all honesty, that is enough of that. I want to go to the things in this movie that was so disturbing.

This movie won many awards. However,

1. There was so much language that I lost tally of the profanity only minutes into the movie.

2. The rape scene was very graphic

3. Violence was over the top.

The only good thing I saw, was she indeed kept the baby. The way she would escape from reality was through fantasy. Fantasy will not help us to deal with overcoming those ordeals in our life. People going through abuse, be it young girls, Children or adults NEED COUNSELING, Not a fantasy world.

They did not even give numbers for abuse, or information of how to get help.

As a Christian Mother, this is not a movie I would recommend to anyone. It took me days to even figure out how to even blog on this one as I could not put the movie into words.

I would like to see a movie like this in a cleaned up version that kids this age COULD WATCH. I know things like this goes on every day. People like "Precious" ARE out there.  So this movie could have been better. You can say, "There is Hope" without all redundant profanity. I true message of hope would even give titles or credits of where to get the help you need.

Life In the Womb..a Story of a loss of A child and More.

The Loss of a Unborn Child
By Paula Chapman

Many women every day miscarry a child. It is a pain that runs deep for years. The following is the story of my unborn child that awaits me in Heaven.

Last week was the 37th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Which gives women the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy legally. A decision which has led to the death of so many unborn children. Many feel that a baby is simply a host, with no emotion, no feeling and no rights. How sad America kills hundreds and thousands of children each day.

However, I will never forget the struggle for life my son, fought to come into the world, and he lost the battle.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was happy beyond measure. Everything was going so well with the pregnancy. I had my check ups regularly and he was growing as he should. His first movement in the womb was breathtaking to say the least. It was like tiny butterflies. I could not help but laugh when I first felt his movement. But that laughter would soon turn to tears.

One day I carried in groceries and had to sit down. Intense cramps and pain, followed by bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital and they were able to stop the bleeding. I was sent home to follow up with my doctor.

When I went to the doctor they ran several tests and I was instructed to go home and rest. A day later, I got the call from Dr. Adams.
“Paula, this is Dr. Adams.”
I knew before she called that time was running out. It was something you felt, and something you knew.
My only response to her was, “He is dying isn’t he?”
She confirmed he was, and instructed me what to do when the bleeding began again.

It was a day later, I was rushed back to the hospital. They had to do a emergency DNC and a day later I was able to come home.

I will never forget being wheeled out of the hospital the feeling of, “I want my baby!” Sadness, emptiness, anger, loneliness.

My mother seemed to be the only one that understood how I felt at the time as she put her arms around me and told me to cry. I did a lot of crying. Truth of the matter is, I still cry today.

If you have ever lost a child, you need to grieve that child as you would one that even was able to come into the world. Just because he or she never took his first breath, does not mean, it is less important then one that has.

Those friends that was there for me to support me, I can not thank enough. One was a friend named Melissa. A friend that has always been there for me through the years, closer then a sister. Another was Jannell. She sent me the most lovely poem. I would type it out, however I have no idea where I have put it.

It has been proven that babies to feel pain, they can hear sound and feel your emotions from within the womb.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd child, when I would be upset, they would tighten up.

My Daughter was even told she would never enter into the world and I was urged to abort her. There was blood in the womb upon finding out I was pregnant with her. It was a high risk pregnancy where I had to stay off my feet for 9 months. However, today she is a smart and wonderful 9 year old girl.

Sadly with the right to choose, so many children will never take their first breath.

These children did not ask to be born, however, they have been forced to die as a matter of convenience. Only God should choose who is to live, and who is to die. Not us.

Here are some resources that make good reading on this topic.
http://www.rebeccakiessling.com/Othersconceivedinrape.html

http://www.pahomeschoolers.com/messages/22613.html (Flordia Gators Tebow, his mother was urged to abort him, she refused.