Monday, February 8, 2010

Domestic Abuse: Love Is Not Pain

Love Never Hurts

John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Today I want to take on the subject of Domestic Abuse. It can happen to any one, despite your age, economic status, race, married and unmarried alike. Teens even suffer this when they date. The problem with abuse, the victim rarely will speak out, or even reach out in fear that the person will get worse. Many victims suffer in silence by covering their bruises, laughing when they want to cry. You may work with someone that suffers abuse. You may go to Church with someone that suffers abuse, you may even go to school with someone that suffers abuse.

The last 2 weeks my neighbor and best friend suffered at the hands of a man she went to Bible study with. I want to share her story of survival before I even go into mine.

When she met this man, she met him in Bible Study. At first he said all the right things to make her feel wonderful about herself. She started going to Church with him. On four different occasions he had even hit her. Once he hit her all night long when she would go to sleep, only because she refused to go to the door when she needed some rest. When she let him in, her night was the longest night ever. He eve had her convinced that all her friends including me, was against her and using her. After awhile, she began to believe his words until last week.  Now, she has had to take a protection order against him. He has even called me relentlessly trying to get her back, my husband has even told him not to call here, however upon knowing my husband was at work this morning, he has called. I in turn handled it legally and called the police this morning. If it was not for the years I suffered I could not have been able to know how to help her.  The following is brief story of my first marriage.

When I met my EX husband I was 19 years of age. I believed the best of everyone and believed every sad story that someone would tell me. But that would soon change. 

I met my husband at work. He was on break, reading the Bible and studying out of a Strongs Concordance. He went on to tell me how he was studying to be a preacher. I had always wanted to be a preachers wife and bought it hook line and sinker. My parents tried to warn me about him, including MANY people that knew him. However I was smitten with his charm and married him against my parents wishes.  The first 2 years were quite wonderful. It could not have been better, but upon the 3rd year things took a horrible turn to the worse.

Now there are many forms of abuse. (Verbal, isolation, physical, sexual, financial) The list can go on and on. For over 11 years, I took all forms of abuse from him. I did not tell anyone because no one would listen. All my friends abandoned me but one. Her an I are still friends to this day. Anything that would come between him and me he would eliminate. Animals, friends everything he would make sure never stayed. I lost 2 dogs, one dog almost died and a pet squirrel from a broken back. 

When the abuser feels like anything is coming before them, they work on eliminating the problem. They need complete control over the victim. They use words to intimidate and tear you down. Even going to my own parents house, if I did not leave when he told me it was time to go, he would get very angry and take it out on me.

The day I knew it was time to leave was a day this comment was made, "If you ever leave me, I think I would kill you, because you are all that I have left.

Two weeks later I left with only what I could bring with me. I never looked back. I never  have seen him again since that day.

Now after I left he still could not own up to what he did, he told everyone what he wanted them to believe to make me a awful sounding person.

It has been several years since that day. I have never had to courage to even talk about this, much less write about this horrible time in our life.

I want you to know that Love is NEVER Pain! Love will never hurt. Love builds up, not tears down.

Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Gal 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.


If you, or anyone you know suffers from abuse of any kind, know there is help out there. There are shelters you can go to escape the abuser. They will keep you safe and do all they can to help you rebuild your life, one step at a time.

Here is a place to call to get the help you need:

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

Here is a direct link to their page.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Overall, I am a SURVIVOR of Domestic abuse! 


How to spot signs of abuse.

Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women

Domestic Violence


On a side note. I have been blessed with a wonderful new husband. we have two beautiful Children together. If you can only wait on God, he will send you the man that he wants you to be with. Do not settle for any less then what God wants for your life.








Evangelist David Dunn said...

Paula, this was a very moving article. I would like to applaud your courage in writing what you did from your personal life. I know that there are a lot of people who will receive strength from your words.
I know that it had to be difficult to go back through the memories of those events. I am blown away by the strength that you have displayed in this writing.
Thank You! What an example of just how wonderful the Grace of God is in your life.
I found Encouragement, Strength, Hope, Courage and Guidance in this post.
Amen dear lady! Thank you for your willingness to put it out there for everyone to be able to follow the example you have set up.


Hannah said...

What an awesome story of hope and healing. It was a real blessing this morning!

Thank you!