Friday, June 18, 2010

How Do you handle difficult people?

By Paula Chapman
June 18 2010

How do you handle people you do not get along with?

We have all been in a situation at one some point in our life when we make friends with a person to find out that this person was not who we thought they would be. Trust and confidence may have been broken. The person may have hurt you. Perhaps it can be repaired. You both apologize and move on with your relationship to find out that the damage continues. It never takes long to find out that you and this person can not get along, despite the fact you may love them. Abram and Lot also had this difficulty. As we read the following scriptures you can see how Abram sought the Lord and came to the right conclusion.

Gen 13:1 And Abram went up out of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the south.
Gen 13:2 And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.
Gen 13:3 And he went on his journeys from the south even to Bethel, unto the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Hai;
Gen 13:4 Unto the place of the altar, which he had made there at the first: and there Abram called on the name of the LORD.
Gen 13:5 And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.
Gen 13:6 And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.
Gen 13:7 And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot's cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.
Gen 13:8 And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.
Gen 13:9 Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.
Gen 13:10 And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar.
Gen 13:11 Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.
Gen 13:12 Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.
Gen 13:13 But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the LORD exceedingly.
Gen 13:14 And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:
Gen 13:15 For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.
Gen 13:16 And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered.
Gen 13:17 Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.
Gen 13:18 Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the LORD.

Was it easy for Abram to come to this conclusion? I am sure as traveling companions, it must have been a hard decision and a decision that hurt Abram, and more then likely upset Lot. However the decision was made and as we read to the end of the chapter, God blessed Abram. I know God knew the decision was a hard one, however it would be a decision that would indeed change the life of Abram forever.

As I read this, I look upon a recent decision in my own life. The choice to separate and take a road separately from someone that has certainly taken a road with me. We can not come upon a decision. Words have not been kind. Stress has affected both of our families and it is time to say, "Choose your road, and I will choose mine."

Another verse that even deals with conflict has been laid upon my heart at the moment.

1Co 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

When hurt feelings, go to angry words repeatedly, it can get the best of you. With their angry words their angry words will become worse. A fire burning under control.

James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

With each accusation, for many comes people trying to defend themselves. With accusations, if you try to defend yourself, anger can and will then enter in. Many of us has lost our temper in the process and fully displayed the worse in ourselves thinking our actions are justified because of what our hearts are feeling at the time.

Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

So upon unresolved repeated conflict, we should depart company. Never let our idle words flow and be filled with anger, resentment thinking we deserve to treat one another with this kind of malice to each other.

The old cliche' "If you can not say anything nice, do not say anything at all." we all should hold.

My biggest help in any conflict is praying first.. seeking God on what I need to do to make it better for me.

Never let the accuser tell you what is wrong and right. Search the Heart of God, Seek His Word, He will never fail you as you pray for a solution. Today I do take the road as God directs me. I know God wants what is best for me, today and everyday. In the end he will bless me for my decision.

Paula Chapman
June 18 2010


Our7isheaven said...

That is wonderful Paula and very well put! I'm going to have one of my older boys read this.

He's been recently in a situation where we felt he needed to step out of a friendship but he wasn't/isn't seeing why. I praying this will help him figure it out.


Cherokeldy said...

I am so glad this has helped and this writing came from a very difficult situation I faced. It was hard. By nature I want to love and help people. My reasoning, God NEVER gave up on me. The striking realization out of it all was this. "I WANTED HELP..I WANTED TO CHANGE." Sadly not everyone wants to change. It is hard breaking off relationships but I learned from my Bible study on this passage that we have to make those changes when they tear us down spiritually. I will be praying for your son!