Domestic Abuse: Love Is Not Pain

Domestic Abuse

Love Never Hurts

John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Today I want to take on the subject of Domestic Abuse. It can happen to any one, despite your age, economic status, race, married and unmarried alike. Teens even suffer this when they date. The problem with abuse, the victim rarely will speak out, or even reach out in fear that the person will get worse. Many victims suffer in silence by covering their bruises, laughing when they want to cry. You may work with someone that suffers abuse. You may go to Church with someone that suffers abuse, you may even go to school with someone that suffers abuse.

The last 2 weeks my neighbor and best friend suffered at the hands of a man she went to Bible study with. I want to share her story of survival before I even go into mine.

When she met this man, she met him in Bible Study. At first he said all the right things to make her feel wonderful about herself. She started going to Church with him. On four different occasions he had even hit her. Once he hit her all night long when she would go to sleep, only because she refused to go to the door when she needed some rest. When she let him in, her night was the longest night ever. He eve had her convinced that all her friends including me, was against her and using her. After awhile, she began to believe his words until last week.  Now, she has had to take a protection order against him. He has even called me relentlessly trying to get her back, my husband has even told him not to call here, however upon knowing my husband was at work this morning, he has called. I in turn handled it legally and called the police this morning. If it was not for the years I suffered I could not have been able to know how to help her.  The following is brief story of my first marriage.

When I met my EX husband I was 19 years of age. I believed the best of everyone and believed every sad story that someone would tell me. But that would soon change. 

I met my husband at work. He was on break, reading the Bible and studying out of a Strongs Concordance. He went on to tell me how he was studying to be a preacher. I had always wanted to be a preachers wife and bought it hook line and sinker. My parents tried to warn me about him, including MANY people that knew him. However I was smitten with his charm and married him against my parents wishes.  The first 2 years were quite wonderful. It could not have been better, but upon the 3rd year things took a horrible turn to the worse.

Now there are many forms of abuse. (Verbal, isolation, physical, sexual, financial) The list can go on and on. For over 11 years, I took all forms of abuse from him. I did not tell anyone because no one would listen. All my friends abandoned me but one. Her an I are still friends to this day. Anything that would come between him and me he would eliminate. Animals, friends everything he would make sure never stayed. I lost 2 dogs, one dog almost died and a pet squirrel from a broken back. 

When the abuser feels like anything is coming before them, they work on eliminating the problem. They need complete control over the victim. They use words to intimidate and tear you down. Even going to my own parents house, if I did not leave when he told me it was time to go, he would get very angry and take it out on me.

The day I knew it was time to leave was a day this comment was made, "If you ever leave me, I think I would kill you, because you are all that I have left.

Two weeks later I left with only what I could bring with me. I never looked back. I never  have seen him again since that day.

Now after I left he still could not own up to what he did, he told everyone what he wanted them to believe to make me a awful sounding person.

It has been several years since that day. I have never had to courage to even talk about this, much less write about this horrible time in our life.

I want you to know that Love is NEVER Pain! Love will never hurt. Love builds up, not tears down.

Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Gal 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

 

If you, or anyone you know suffers from abuse of any kind, know there is help out there. There are shelters you can go to escape the abuser. They will keep you safe and do all they can to help you rebuild your life, one step at a time.

Here is a place to call to get the help you need:

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

Here is a direct link to their page.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.

http://www.ndvh.org/

Overall, I am a SURVIVOR of Domestic abuse! 

Resources:

How to spot signs of abuse.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women

http://dahmw.org/

Domestic Violence

http://dahmw.org/

 

On a side note. I have been blessed with a wonderful new husband. we have two beautiful Children together. If you can only wait on God, he will send you the man that he wants you to be with. Do not settle for any less then what God wants for your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

STANDING ALONE

The question that I want to start out asking is this... Have you ever had to "Stand Alone"?
Have you ever come to a point in your life when through situations that are outside of your personal control, you suddenly find yourself standing, as it feels in your heart, ALONE????

I must first state the following: I know that as a Christian, a child of God, WE, (Those of us who are saved and on our way to heaven.), are Truly NEVER alone because we have Jesus who promised us in His Word that He would NOT leave us alone:


Deuteronomy 4:31
(For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Joshua 1:5
There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

1 Chronicles 28:20
And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD.

Hebrews 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.


I am not talking about being alone, without God. This wouls be impossible according to the Bible, and again, I Praise God for this truth.


I am referring to those times when we, as weak human vessels, look around us and see attacks from every side! We are looking around for "Fellow Warriors", who are supposed to be fighting right along side of us, and we realize that we are "Fighting the Enemy all by ourselves! This is the situation and the prospect that I am talking about.


The stark realization that "Yes" WE ARE STANDING... BUT WE ARE DOING SO ALL ALONE!


REALIZATION OF THE FACT


Looking back over my short 40 year life span, I can recall many times when I have had that same feeling, that lonely, depressing feeling that seems to grow worse with the acknowlegment that the feeling actually exists in the heart, mind and life of a Christian.
No one doubts the reality of this feeling because at some time or other in all of our lives, we ALL have felt alone. This is usually a tough topic for people to agree with because of most folks DENY THE TRUTH, even when it is right there in front of their faces.


WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?


The answer to this is simple... Understand that in these times we are facing "TESTING OF OUR FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST"!

James 1:3
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

Ephesians 6:13
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.


This is the simple answer: "... and having done all, to stand." If you will carefully notice this verse, the Lord says through the writings of Paul, by the Holy Spirit of God, that WE ARE TO JUST STAND... NO MATTER WHAT! Friend, are you feeling alone as you stand for the Father in heaven? If so... STAND! Preacher, Pastor, Missionary, Evangelist, Sunday School Teacher, Bus Worker... Whatever and whomever you may be, if this describes you... THEN JUST STAND IN HIM!


You will find many times that it IS a lonely road when serving the Lord, BUT if we will just look towards HIM, look to Jesus and remember that He too stood completely alone.


Matthew 27:11
And Jesus stood (*Alone) before the governor: and the governor asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest.

Matthew 27:27-31
(27) Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus (*Alone) into the common hall, and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers.(28) And they stripped him (*Alone), and put on him a scarlet robe.(29) And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head (*Alone), and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him (*Alone), saying, Hail, King of the Jews!(30) And they spit upon him (*Alone), and took the reed, and smote him (*Alone) on the head.(31) And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him. (*ALL ALONE!)


I know in my heart there are many who struggle with this same thing, Most folks have to deal with this on a "Daily Basis". May I encourage each one of us to "Take a Stand For The Lord and Keep On Standing... NO MATTER WHAT THE COST MAY BE"!


Keep On Standing!

Brother Dunn

Suppose

Suppose you continue to raise up a great nation from this one man. You lead them to ancient Egypt where they are forced to live together for hundreds of years and become a distinct people. They grow to over a million. Yet they soon forget the miracles you did for their forefathers. At the right time you bring them out of Egypt with an incredible display of mighty miracles. In one final demonstration of your power, you show them that it is only by covering their dwelling with the blood of the most innocent of creatures (a lamb) that they can be spared judgment.

You continue to teach them a pattern. You bring deserved judgment on an evil Egyptian nation and kill the first-born child in every household. You separate your people from the influence of an evil world. You bring them through a sea with a wall of water on their right and a wall of water standing on their left to demonstrate that they are being baptised into a new life. Yet, incredibly, they immediately return to their evil ways. They build idols to other gods. They refuse to enter the land which you have provided. They are a stubborn and rebellious people. But you have a plan.

Suppose you allow your chosen people to spend 40 years wandering in the wilderness in order to teach them many lessons. You teach them that they must depend wholly on you for their sustenance and that they must come back to you each day for refilling. You teach them that they will be healed when they look upon a symbol of evil which is raised up on a wooden pole. You teach them that they must put their sins upon something other than themselves because they can never pay for their own sins. You teach them that life-giving water comes from a rock. You begin to teach them that it is only by the shedding of innocent blood that their sins can be forgiven. Each year they must bring an innocent creature - a spotless lamb - and slit its throat in a gruesome, bloody sacrifice. It makes no sense. But you are laying a pattern. Suppose you finally bring them into a special land made just for them. You delayed until the people living in that land had been given every possible opportunity to turn from their wicked ways. Then you win battle after battle for your people. You show them that you are giving this land to them. You drop walls of impregnable cities...You hurtle meteorites from space to destroy enemy armies...You stop the sun in the sky at their request...You drop giants with a single stone...You destroy entire enemy armies at the request of those who love you. Yet your people refuse to obey you. But it’s okay, you have a plan.

Suppose that time and time again you send messengers to tell your people how to behave. Yet they kill the messengers and always drift back into their evil ways. But you love this people. You tell them over and over again that you are going to send a Savior. You tell them where He will be born. You tell them, hundreds of years before it happens, the exact day when He will enter Jerusalem and declare Himself their eternal King. You tell them that He will become their eternal sacrifice so that they can end their pitiful and hopeless pursuit to work their way into your favor. You describe in minute detail over 300 specific details of what you are about to do for them. Their response is to kill the messengers who bring the promises. But you love these people. Through them you will show all people how much you love them. The time for your plan has come.

The time to complete the plan which You conceived before laying the foundation of the universe...the plan started before the first molecule was created and the first electromagnetic wave appeared... the plan laid out before the first animal was made and you breathed life, spirit, and part of yourself into these people whom You love so much...had arrived. You become a man. Permanently, for all eternity, you become human.

Suppose, at just the right time, thousands of years after history began, it was time to demonstrate to humanity what love means. You did not come to earth as an arrogant ruler... but as a humble servant to wash the feet of others. You did not arrive with fanfare and pomp ... but left the glory of heaven to become a baby born in an animal stall. Your prophets had told of this... but this was not what your people expected.

Suppose that you start your ministry to your chosen people by announcing that you are the Lamb who has come to take away the sins of the world. Surely they will understand the implication after 2000 years of teaching. You demonstrate who you are by healing sickness, restoring blindness, and allowing the lame to walk. You cast out demons which have oppressed your beloved people for millenniums. You show that you control creation by calming storms with a word and walking on water. You create wine from water and food to feed thousands. Yet they still follow you with their stomachs and not their hearts. Your prophets had told them these things would happen... but this was not what your people expected.

Suppose you spent three years patiently teaching your people how to live and who you are. You repeatedly teach them that you are the rock upon which they must build their lives. You hate the arrogant lie that Your children can earn their way into your presence. Your character is justice and justice requires payment for sin. Yet no man can pay the price. Throughout history Satan has deceived your children into believing that religion can save them. You expose the lies and hypocrisy of salvation by religious acts. You hate religion. Your harshest words are for these religious leaders. They are the ones who should know you best...but you are not whom they expected.

Suppose that the climax, which has been building since man first sinned, arrives. You pray for some other way to save mankind from his sin and restore fellowship with the Father. But there is no other way. You allow yourself to be taken. You make no defense in mock trial after mock trial because whom you represent (mankind) is guilty and deserves judgment. You allow Satan to pour his fury out upon you. You are beaten so severely that you hardly look human. You are whipped so severely that your back resembles raw hamburger. Your beard is ripped out, thorns are thrust onto your head, you are slapped, cursed, and spit upon. Nails are driven through your feet and wrists and you are left hanging on a pole to die. You could destroy the entire universe with a word, but you chose instead...to suffer. You become that symbol of sin lifted on a pole which will heal your people. But this is not what they expected.

But suppose this is not the worst. For the first time in eternity, you are separated from the Father. You actually become sin and the part of yourself left in heaven, the Father, pours out his wrath upon you. You pay the price for every sin ever committed by every person in the past, present, and future. The anguish is incomprehensible. Your innocent blood is shed for the sins of humanity. You are the innocent lamb sacrificed for others. You die for them. It is not what they expected ... they do not understand.

Suppose that three days later you rise from the dead to show that...at long last, they can have victory over death. Death has lost its sting. You have shown that there is nothing they can do to bridge the chasm between themselves and their Maker...you have done it all. But it is not free. They must love you more than their wickedness. You have shown them that there is no other way. There is no religious system, or set of rules which will allow them to earn their way to heaven. They have been trying to do this since they first sinned. They have been trying to cover their sins with fig leaves from the very start. You showed them that innocent blood...your blood would be required. But is was not what they expected.

The plan was finally complete. The path back to you is open to all who are willing to accept it. You have done everything you could possibly do to restore fellowship between sinful man and yourself. You have satisfied the perfect justice required of your nature. You took the penalty which they deserved. You have shown absolute mercy by providing a bridge over the chasm between sinful man and a perfect God. You have made it so simple that anyone can understand it. You have done it all. But it was not what they expected.

Suppose that this is history. It is Christianity. It is reality.

Will you accept His love?